Non sum qualis eram

Sunday night.  Always a rough time for me.  I used to call it staring down the barrel of a loaded work week.  Lay down my head and next stop will be Friday night.

I ate too much today.  Actually not today, I ate too much tonight.  I logged it all in the food journal.  Saddest part was it was only 300 calories.  My epic old day binges ran into the 1,000’s of calories.  That’s the part I love about the food journal.  The part I hate is that it means accepting the weight is my own fault.  It was soooo much easier to lie to myself and just say, “I don’t eat THAT much.  I just can’t lose weight!”

I’m starting to see that as an ongoing pattern.  Starve and then go nuts.  I’ve got a seperate journal for exercise.  Pretty much the same thing.  I tend to do good for a week or two.  By the end I’m doing a 2+ hour workout and then basically burn out.  Boom week off.

When I’m bummed I naturally assume that I’ve eaten ungodly amounts of garbage.  Then I say to heck with it and just EAT!  Now I get out the journal and it turns out that I actually haven’t eaten enough.  Last time I quite journalling my food, I slipped down to 600 calories for two days and then basically went food crazy on the third and fourth.  I went back and journalled everything as best I could from memory.  600 calories a day makes it pretty easy to remember.

Weight wise I’ve been lucky the last couple weeks.  Now I’ve gotta get consistent.  I like 45 minutes to an hour on the treadmill.  I just need to take a break from the marathons for now.  It’s just not worth it if I’m gonna burn out and take a week off.

Food-wise, I’m going back to octo-vegetarian.  I’m still cheating on the protein by supplementing with soy protein shakes.  Nobody’s perfect.  I caved in and ate meat the last few weeks.  With all of the problems, I just wasn’t up to the planning.  That’s all the veggie thing is to me; planning.  I pack raw, low calorie foods for work.  Fruits and vegetables that are premeasured.  Every break, I eat.  The hardest part is honestly not skipping eating.  A three hundred pound guy who’s doing a physical job requires quite a bit of rabbit food to keep the ole motor running along.

k.  time to give up and go to bed.  argh.

Okay, final stumbling block is out.  I knew the tooth was a goner, but I honestly expected more drama from getting a wisdom tooth out.

Dentist was amazing.  Dentist’s assistant was really cute.  I spent the time in the waiting room before hand talking to a girl who may have been literally half my age.  She was oblivious to the constant sounds of drilling in the background.  It was probably evil of me to point it out.  Then some poor fifteen or sixteen year old came out with her entire face like swollen.  Doc was great, though.  I didn’t feel nothing.  Just figured out a plan, talked to the pretty assistant for a bit and then lay back and got stoned on nitrous.  I’m surprised it wasn’t illegal.  Now I’m taking the minimum dosage of Vicodin.  I was all worried but I guess that tooth just needed out.  Really doesn’t hurt all that much.

See, it doesn’t take much to make me happy.  I haven’t stepped on the scale yet, but I think I may even have managed to lose some weight through this last week.  I’m not gonna potentially mess up the good mood with an early weigh-in but the clothes just feel looser.

Went back to the Dr. on Teusday.  Blood pressure is better.  Still high, but doing better.  Migraines are gone.  They checked my height and it turns out I’m and inch and a half shorter than I thought.  Last two relationships have been with women my same height.  First one swore she was 5′10″.  Back to back, we were the same height.  Then B.  She swore she was 5′9″ and once again back to back the same height.  Don’t ask how this keeps coming up.  Over time it just has.  B. even made fun of me for thinking I was 5′10″.  Big ha.  Inside jokes are great.  Now I find out that I’m apparently 5′7 1/2″.

I hadda look at the woman who did the measuring and just go, ” wow.  you just made me shorter… and fatter.”  The look on her face was priceless.  I think she thought I was serious for a minute.  She even showed me the clipboard was at 5′7 1/2″ on the big wall monkey thing.  (Yeah, the rest of my Dr.’s patients prolly have an average age of like 9.  We chose her ’cause she’s great with kids.  Funny how that worked out.)

Blood pressure was still a little high, but this week is toothache week.  Bad one.  Wisdom tooth on my left bottom side.  It’s much better than a migraine, though.  Migraine meant no treadmill and I felt like eating junk and lounging around a lot.  Toothache means no eating and the treadmill is one of the few things that seems to distract me from it when it acts up.  Of course, it prolly means the tooth is coming out tomorrow morning and quite possibly a root canal.

You know, the last woman I had a drink with was pretty short.  It wasn’t like a date or anything.  Months ago I was out drinking and bought someone a drink.  Hm… Mebbe I just need to date a basketball player or a model or something.  Then I’ll magically pop up to like 6′…  Science is awesome!  Makes more sense than all that calorie and metabolism malarchy! =)

Gonna be a good weekend.