Non sum qualis eram

I’ve been absent for a while.  What can I say, I crashed a bit.

About a month and a half ago, my ex, I’ll call her B, felt weak and went into the hospital.  I took the kids for 3 long weekends in a row, to help her recuperate.  It’s 5 hour round trip to get them every weekend and 5 hour round trip to return them.  Somewhere along the line, I let myself dip down to around 600 calories a day.  Not good.

Then two weeks ago, B flat out passed out at work.  It turns out it was a heart attack and they had to put in a pace maker.  I’ve been working 11 hour days and keeping the kids full time ever since.  JT, my son, is going back this weekend.  He’s really missing his friends from school.  Luckily, it’s pre-school so he should be okay after 2 weeks off.  I’m going to have the girls for another week.  I’ve tried explaining it to them.  I think they’ve got most of it, at least as much as a 2,3 and 4 year old can.

Needless to say, I’m pretty worn out most of the time.  This is exactly why I didn’t get into a custody fight over the kids.  I’m doing the best that I can, but they are spending all day in daycare.  That’s costing me an arm and a leg in itself.  At night it’s supper and baths and laundry and dishes…  It’s pretty much what I expected.  I can do it.  It’s just that that’s all I can do.  Tuck them into bed and then finish my chores and then crash hard.  There’ve been a couple days this week that I’ve only gotten 3 hours of sleep.  I am basically surviving at the moment.

The company we supply parts for.  The one that usually shuts down for 3 months or more a year?  The one that was only going to shut down for 6 weeks this year?  Well, that 6 weeks is here and it turns out they aren’t going to shut down at all.  That means that I’m prolly gonna stay on 11 and 12 hour days plus Saturdays for the next year.  Oh well, I can always hope for next spring.

I haven’t weighed myself, but I’ll guarantee I’m up again.

The heart attack thing kind of threw me.  It really shouldn’t have.

My ex had a gastric bypass about a year ago.  The way it works is that you start out with a new 2oz tummy. You’re supposed to work up your meal sizes until you can fit an actual (6-8 ozs) meal in your new tummy.  You also have to be very very particular about what you put in it.  Get a piece of gum stuck in there and they might have to cut it out.  Fill it with high sugar foods and you will puke it out and then dry heave for an hour.  You’ve gotta take the right supplements and push protein.  I think she took it as an excuse to pretty much quit eating.  She lost 190pounds within 11months.  There is no way she was keeping up on her protein or much of anything else.  Add to that the fact that she decided become a single mom and take up drinking as a hobby… yeah, something hadda go.  I just hope this is the wake up call that she needed.

On the up side, I bought a new treadmill.  It’s kinda nice.  It’s limit is well above my weight limit and it can go up to 12mph.  It’s also a lot quieter with better shock absorption.  Basically, I can run on it and I don’t have to worry about it dieing anytime soon and pitching me forward like the last one.  (It weighs 300#s and I lugged it into the house myself.  I earned this!)

One more week with the girls and then I’m going to hit it hard.  I’m just gonna finish this out first.