Non sum qualis eram

I’m not in a good mood. I am tired and I got off the treadmill after just over a half mile. I’m not tired from that. I’ve been doing 2-3 miles on it. I’m just frustrated. I’m not binging, but I’m snacking here and there. I’m used to losing and gaining weight quickly. I’m a guy. I’m constantly on the move. I’ve even added my evening exercise. I just lack motivation and soda was the last addiction I really had. All of my crutches are gone and it’s bugging me. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not gaining weight. I’m just… irritable.

The good news is that I only had one small migraine from quitting the soda this time. So far, I almost feel like I’ve been given a complete pass on the side effects I’ve always felt when I tried to quit in the past. I’m not knocking that part. I’m just really, really missing my family.

The only thing that makes sense now is to keep putting one foot in front of the other. The only way to go is forward. That’s the only real motivation I have right now. Either get healthier and go live a new life or sit around and mourn the old one that ain’t a comin’ back.

On that note, the ex just called. My 2 year old daughter is sick. She tested negative for strep on the quick test, so yeah for that. Tonsils are swollen and she’s sicky. Boo on that.

That life ain’t a comin’ back. It’s gonna be a long time before I’m gonna be able to trust anyone again.

I think I’m gonna give the treadmill another try. I’ve got a new life to figure out. The hours at work will eventually come down and winter will end.

Time for the ole’ fallback. AC/DC and Allison Angel. Yeah, so I’m a pig. I’m a man, wadda ya expect?

Well, the new year didn’t start out just like I’d planned.  New year’s eve my daughter Jen was sick, so I ended up letting her crash with me.  She did pretty good.  Of course, she also proceeded to give me whatever she had.  So, new year’s day I was sick as a dog.  I spent the day trying to figure out what to eat by what wouldn’t hurt too much if it came back up.  I did manage to bathe all 3 kids and get them back to their mom, though.  That whole deal only sent me spiraling into insanity a little bit this time, so I must be getting better at it.

I also didn’t get around to finalizing my resolutions until today.  This is what I came up with:

1.  Get my weight under 250# by my birthday in June.  That’s about 50#s in 6 months.
2.  Get in 15 miles a week on the treadmill minimum.
3.  Check and log blood pressure daily.  (yeah, got’s the high blood pressure)
4.  2 jugs of  water a day.  It figures to about 64 oz.
5.  Cutting out pop.  I have 1 bottle left.  That’s for tomorrow and then I’m through.
6.  No sick days through June.  If I make goal, I wanna take a small vacation.
7.  No , and I repeat, NO WIMMENZ!  ;)  I wanna take the quick fix sooo bad.  I really, really need to find myself before I       get into another relationship.
8.  Get the budget figured out.  The overtime is flowing like water right now and I really need to be making better use of the       money.
9.  Revisit these resolutions and hopefully make all new ones on my birthday.

I just wish I was more motivated.